It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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