he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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