the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
