wanna go halves on a baby?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
