I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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