I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
