Your face is a jimmy john
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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