So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
