She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
