So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
