3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
