fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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