I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
