why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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