ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
