Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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