Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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