nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
