We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
