she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Barsexuality is the new black.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
