any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
