I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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