Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
