Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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