So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
a search helicopter?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We have so much sex to catch up on
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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