You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
