No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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