Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
