Where did you get a picture of my penis
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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