i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
