Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
