I just pynch a tree in the face
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
