I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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