the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
