Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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