Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
