my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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