This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
