The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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