Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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