She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
