After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
