I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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