Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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