I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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