You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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