i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
