my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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