I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
