Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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